Girl: Baby im wet. Boy: Want a paper towel? Girl: No, i want more then that ;) Boy: Want 2 paper towels? Girl: No, baby i want sumthing big and round ;) Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.