Joke #6306

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 83.55 % from 895 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time

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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.” They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one.” The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”
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has 86.84 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: animal, time, wife
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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has 85.52 % from 1377 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, little Johnny
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.23 % from 875 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
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has 84.65 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 84.50 % from 2131 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 84.28 % from 1602 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
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has 83.94 % from 757 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
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has 83.90 % from 3245 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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has 83.61 % from 404 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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has 83.55 % from 575 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck