Joke #6306

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Vote:
has 82.21 % from 964 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Vote:
has 85.62 % from 1600 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, little Johnny
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
Vote:
has 84.78 % from 926 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian." Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence. The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians from: The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought... Then silence. Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men...it's a trap. There's two of them."
Vote:
has 84.65 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Vote:
has 84.59 % from 1676 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Vote:
has 84.36 % from 2199 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Vote:
has 84.00 % from 462 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
Vote:
has 83.51 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?" The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Vote:
has 83.40 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, time
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
Vote:
has 83.38 % from 3292 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t. The pig was killed. The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. “What happened?” asked the President. “Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.” “My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President. The driver replied: “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”
Vote:
has 83.21 % from 466 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, celebrity, death, political