Joke #6306

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 85.24 % from 708 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time

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One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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has 85.85 % from 1102 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, little Johnny
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 85.53 % from 1829 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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has 85.35 % from 262 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 85.29 % from 1399 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.15 % from 805 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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has 85.14 % from 424 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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has 85.08 % from 873 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
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has 84.77 % from 3193 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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has 84.59 % from 565 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, fart, husband, time
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
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has 84.33 % from 680 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time