I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.