Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well…?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God…'"
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
I would kick you straight in the vagina...
If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day.
She showed it to me, and it was BDSM.
She asked me "What we should do?"
Me: "Probably not spank him."
She belted me with the magazine.
Now I know where he gets it from.
Vote:
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"