Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.'
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"