Joke #7016

"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery. “Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks. “I´m having a baby.” – she replies. “Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes. “Yes, it is.” – she says. “Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look. “Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies. Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
Vote: has 83.65 % from 1115 votes. Send joke:
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Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote: has 77.74 % from 103 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
Vote: has 77.50 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, hospital, kids
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Vote: has 75.65 % from 169 votes. Send joke:
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Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 75.63 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
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Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote: has 75.60 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
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Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
Vote: has 75.58 % from 136 votes. Send joke:
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Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 74.58 % from 512 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 73.80 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife