Joke #7029

Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government? A: A civil serpent.

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t. The pig was killed. The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. “What happened?” asked the President. “Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.” “My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President. The driver replied: “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.

Q: Did you hear that the White House isn't displaying it's Nativity scene this year? A: They couldn't find the three wise men!

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."

When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.

Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.