Joke #7721

Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Vote: has 71.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
Vote: has 82.89 % from 163 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
Vote: has 80.31 % from 176 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, morbid, sex
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Vote: has 80.19 % from 232 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, old people, phone
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 79.48 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
Vote: has 78.40 % from 279 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
Vote: has 78.01 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, hospital
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work