Joke #7777

When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.

What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree? Nailing it to a dead puppy.

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?" The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample." The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."

How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.

Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo

Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"

What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!