Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nursing home. 
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There were three nurses in a morgue...
They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on.
The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".
After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago"
The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.
The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window.
After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up.
Again, she starts to tilt to the other side.
The nurses rush back to put her upright.
This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?"
But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
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The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please."
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money."
The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?"
The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room.
When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him.
He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her.
Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears.
He freaked, "omg she's sick."
He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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Joke has 53.76 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, dirty, disgusting, money
Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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