Joke #7796

Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
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A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, fart, nurse, old people
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
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More jokes about: disgusting
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Vote: has 83.19 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, nurse, phone
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, hospital, men, nurse, wife
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
Vote: has 80.86 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

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The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Vote: has 74.30 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, nurse
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, flirt, Halloween, party
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
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A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, hospital, nurse