Joke #8675

An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife

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has 85.70 % from 4644 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, old people, wife
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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has 85.33 % from 331 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife, wine
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone. "Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway". "It's worse than that", he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
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has 85.24 % from 382 votes. More jokes about: old people, wife, work
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
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has 85.20 % from 640 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, food, marriage, wife
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has 84.87 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, old people, wife
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has 84.80 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: age, food, old people, work
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has 84.70 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, food, wife, work
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has 84.51 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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has 84.47 % from 693 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, money, wife