Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving? The Cop
Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico. They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them. As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river. One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light." The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
Q: Two men are in a car. One of them is a Mexican while the other is black. Who is driving the car? A: The cops.
A police officer stopped a driver for speeding. "Can I see your driving license?" "I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system." "Can I see your license for the vehicle?" "But it is not my car, I stole it." "Stole it?" "Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there." "There is a gun in the car?" "Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk." "There is a corpse in a car?" "Right, sir." After all these he calls the police chief. And soon the car gets surrounded by police. The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation. "Sir, can I see your qualification?" "Of course, ultimately, there it is." "In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?" "It is mine, there is my license as well." "uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?" "Of course, take a look, there is nothing." "Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there." "No problem, take a look." "Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk." "Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?" I said, "No." He said, "Stick 'em up!"
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.