Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving? The Cop
Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico. They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them. As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river. One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light." The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see the light was on from the bedroom window. As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
Why dont mexicans cross the border in groups of 3's? Cuz the signs at the border say no Trespassing.
What do you call a mexican who's lost his car? Carlos.
Q: What is the only thing you will ever hear being said to a Mexican wearing a 3pc suit? A: "Will the defendant please rise".
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned." Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"