Joke #9175

Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
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Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
Vote: has 85.26 % from 109 votes. Send joke:
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A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Vote: has 85.18 % from 2294 votes. Send joke:
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Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
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Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
Vote: has 84.50 % from 188 votes. Send joke:
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Police: Where do u live? Me: With my parents. Police: Where does ur parents live? Me: With me. Police: Where do u all live? Me: Together. Police: Where is ur house? Me: Next to my neighbors house. Police: Where is your neighbors house? Me: If i tell you u wont believe me. Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house...
Vote: has 83.31 % from 195 votes. Send joke:
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The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped her.
Vote: has 83.24 % from 88 votes. Send joke:
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When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Vote: has 83.08 % from 151 votes. Send joke:
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Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
Vote: has 82.33 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
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Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
Vote: has 81.65 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
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I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Vote: has 81.36 % from 124 votes. Send joke:
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