Q: What is height of Honesty?
A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.
the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it.
The woman replied, snorting pepper.
Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain.
She asks the doctor what he has on sale.
"Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100."
Surprised she asks why the price difference?
"Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds.
I gave her a scale.
5 year old daughter: "Mom, why is some of your hair white?"
Me: *smiles* "Every time you make me sad, another hair turns white."
Daughter: *wide eyes* "Wow mom, what did you do to grandma?"
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"