Joke #9375

A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals. Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher. "What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered. "It's for erasing the misspellings!"
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life

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Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
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has 36.08 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, life
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
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has 85.00 % from 804 votes. More jokes about: car, funeral, life, time
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Q: Why did Mexico send only a couple thousand Mexicans to fight in the Alamo? A: Because they only had 4 trucks.
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has 27.66 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: life
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: life
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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has 77.71 % from 383 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
Patient: "How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?" Doctor: "Fifty rupees." Patient: "Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?" Doctor: "Well, I will do it very slowly." Patient: "How much is for the operation?" Doctor: "Rupees on thousand." Patient: "But it was a serious one." Doctor: "Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, money
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!” To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading “LOWEST PRICES!” He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, “MAIN ENTRANCE.”
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has 83.99 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: life