Q: Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A: Her lipstick.
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An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time.
I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer.
I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches.
Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down.
I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?
A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water.
The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood."
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina?
A: A woman.
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He came into my room late at night.
He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left.
It was terrible.
It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing."
Wife says, "I dont want to go."
Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se.
Wife pick blow job.
After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t.
Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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