Joke #9691

Q: Why do some women look at blank paper? A: They like to read their rights.
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: women

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Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: insulting, science, women
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
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has 82.32 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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has 85.71 % from 1779 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, death, driving, women
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
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has 83.67 % from 777 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: women
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
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has 85.74 % from 1944 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife, women
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
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has 75.20 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: men, women
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: women
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women