If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.
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Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up.
The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.”
The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.”
“That’s what my father says.”
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?'
His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?'
Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!"
Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them.
The boy ran over and stomped on it.
Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!"
When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor.
The mother ran over and stomped on it.
The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"
"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."
"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"
Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."
Vote:
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.
Vote:
Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?
Her husband was a blonde too!
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it, why aren't we getting any ducks?"
Her friend says, "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."