The best jokes about life

At a all-you-can-eat restaurant Josh came back to the table, his plate full for the fifth time. “Josh!” exclaimed his mother. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?” “Not a bit,” said Josh, “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”
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has 82.93 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: life
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
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has 82.91 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, life
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
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has 82.91 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: age, food, life, old people
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, men, women
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab test, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” He asked, “Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?” “Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.” Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?” I said, “No, I heard that all red meat is very unhealthy.” “Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, ballooning, motorcycling, rock climbing?” “No, I don’t,” I said. He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?” “No,” I said. “I have never done any of those things.” He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?”
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, wife
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
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has 82.80 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: life
Coworker: Can you help me with this project? Me: The short answer is no. Coworker: What's the long answer? Me: Nooooooo.
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has 82.79 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: life, work
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it! You never know when you might need a nail.
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has 82.77 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: life, music
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope." As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
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has 82.74 % from 332 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life
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