Joke #3590

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
Vote: has 80.73 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, wife
A manufacturing plant was in full swing one day. The company's massive machine was humming along, taking in the raw materials at one end and churning out the finished product at the other. All of a sudden, the machine stopped and ground to a halt. Workers climbed all over it like ants to get it started again. The plant's manager stormed out of his office to find out why his multi-million- dollar machine wasn't making him any money. He listened to his people saying they couldn't figure it out, and he told them to call a technician.  Soon a tech arrived, and the manager frantically explained to him that he needed his machine back as soon as possible. The technician listened patiently, took one look at the massive hulk of motionless metal, and immediately walked over to a small panel, opening a tiny door inside to see a screw. The technician took a screwdriver and turned the screw one-quarter turn to the right, and the machine suddenly came back to life as if nothing was wrong. The manager hurried over to thank the technician, shook his hand, and asked what he owed him for saving his company.  The technician answered, "$100,000.00". The manager looked at him and said, "You were here less than two minutes and just turned one screw. How can you charge so much? Give me an itemised bill."  The technician calmly wrote out on a piece of paper:  -Turning of one screw: $1.00.  -Knowing which screw to turn: $99,999.00.
Vote: has 73.68 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, money, work
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: graduation, life, school, work
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, life, stupid
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, life
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Vote: has 81.49 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, war, work
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Vote: has 62.30 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, men, women
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Vote: has 52.60 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, marriage, religious
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: funeral, life