Joke #3590

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
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has 81.48 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: life

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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life
A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
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has 84.18 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: life
Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: life
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long… The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don’t know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Oh! I really don’t want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
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has 79.46 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: life
Mary's father has 5 daughters, 1. Nana 2. Nono 3. Nini 4. Nene What is the fifth daughters name?
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has 59.05 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, life
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more." The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"
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has 78.95 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: life, management
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life