The best jokes about women

Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
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has 79.91 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
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has 79.72 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Do you know why women aren't allowed in space? To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the problem?" "Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
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has 79.60 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: military, women, work
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
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has 79.53 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, women
Q: Why did my wife cross the road? A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
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has 79.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: business, mean, travel, wife, women
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
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has 79.41 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money, women
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00." She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
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has 79.39 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: customer service, fish, money, women
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
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has 79.36 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, music, women
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
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has 79.12 % from 331 votes. More jokes about: love, phone, women
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