Joke #5401

Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!

Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ? Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.

Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"

A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.

What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.

Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?

I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"