Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice!
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Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.
The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain."
"Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!"
She told him earnestly.
"ohh No, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain".
She began to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?"
The man looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ... but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women?
A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
You have to help me!
Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain.
Then she poked her knee and yelled OW.
She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.”
He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”