The best marriage jokes

A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
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has 80.77 % from 366 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mexican, money, wife
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
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has 80.63 % from 470 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mother in law, wife, work
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
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has 80.60 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, wife
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
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has 80.30 % from 462 votes. More jokes about: marriage, nerd, technology
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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has 80.05 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
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has 79.80 % from 658 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, sex
There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
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has 79.70 % from 937 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A king wants his daughter to have a husband so he puts up a flier. The first guy comes and the king puts green glitter on his daughters private part. The next mornning the king checks the guys private part and there's green glitter all over it. More and more guys come along and the same thing keeps happening. Finally, one day this guy comes along. The king puts the green glitter on his daughters private part, and the next mornning checks the guys privates and there was no green glitter. The king is thrilled and offers the man his daughters hand in marriage. The guy smiles to accept with a mouth full of green glitter.
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has 79.44 % from 2254 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex
Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, men
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
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has 79.16 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: age, life, marriage, money, wife
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