The best medical jokes

Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.
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has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: computer, doctor, internet, medical, technology
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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has 48.20 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: birthday, medical, political, republican, science
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis." The blond yelled at the doctor... "A cute appendicitis! I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, medical, stupid
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
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has 43.52 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, doctor, medical, sex
There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... organ donors.
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, medical
Lately, I was by the urologist. He examined me but he did not tell me the truth into my eyes.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, medical
Yo mama is so fat that she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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has 38.50 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: fat, medical, Yo mama
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers? A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, medical, music
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, medical, stupid
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