Joke #7044

There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... organ donors.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure every type of cancer, the only problem is he never cried.

Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.

When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating. He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.

Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A sharp pain in the ass.

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down." He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."

Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.

Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.

A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal". The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".

Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.