The best old people jokes

A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
Vote: has 33.22 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, animal, old people
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, old people
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Vote: has 28.48 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, old people
"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
Vote: has 26.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, death, old people
A: What does 70-year-old p***y taste like? A: Depends.
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, disgusting, old people
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. 
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" "
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" 
 The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
Vote: has 21.89 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a nigger who was sitting calm in a seat: In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet! In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.
Vote: has 20.99 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, old people, travel
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Vote: has 19.23 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bird, kids, old people, time
Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
Vote: has 19.11 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: old people, work
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Vote: has 19.11 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, driving, health, old people, phone


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