The best old people jokes

An old man tells his psychiatrist that he is already very old and he has committed during his life many sins. The psychiatrist wanted to help him, so he has asked him: "And how long are you with your wife?" The man answered: "45 years." The psychiatrist said: "Don´t have the fear, because after your death you will be surely added to the sufferers, sleep well."
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, marriage, old people, time
A retiree said to his 80 year old friend, “It it true you’re getting married?” “Sure is.” “Have I met her?” “I don't think so.” “Is she attractive?” “Won't win any beauty contests.” “Can she cook?” “Can't even boil an egg.” “Is she rich?” “Rich? Heck, she's so poor she can't even pay attention.” “She must be great in the sack then?” “I haven't actually found out.” “My God, man, why are you marrying her?” “She can still drive.”
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: old people
A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great. I’d recommend it very highly.” The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?” The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love? The ones with red petals and thorns?” “You must mean roses,” he replied. “That’s it,” said the man. He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: old people
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
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has 34.88 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, old people
In the town I have met one older woman, she told me: "if you give me ten euros, I will pray for your black soul." I gave her the ten euros, became suspicious, didn't believe her and told her: "ok, but pray for me right now, not in the evening." The woman has begun: "guardian angel, please, take care of my soul, forgive me all my sins and give me everything I need in my life." I have asked her only: "for my money?"
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life, money, old people, religious
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. “My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.” “Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.” “I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.” “Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know. “Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.”
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, old people
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, old people, work
A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them. After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners. “Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.” “What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.” “I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.
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has 33.74 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: old people
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: doctor, old people
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
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has 28.48 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, old people
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