The best old people jokes

A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great. I’d recommend it very highly.” The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?” The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love? The ones with red petals and thorns?” “You must mean roses,” he replied. “That’s it,” said the man. He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: old people
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. “My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.” “Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.” “I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.” “Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know. “Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.”
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, old people
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, old people, work
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
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has 33.22 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, old people
A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them. After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners. “Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.” “What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.” “I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.
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has 32.71 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: old people
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: doctor, old people
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
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has 28.48 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, old people
As my grandmother and I were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby. He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come. “I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!” An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely: “Sir, I have no teeth!” “Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: old people
"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, old people
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. 
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" "
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" 
 The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
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