The best wife jokes

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife, wine
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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More jokes about: marriage, men, wife
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
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More jokes about: catholic, church, husband, marriage, wife
When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'... I took her to a petrol station...
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More jokes about: marriage, wife
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Vote: has 85.82 % from 798 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, marriage, single, wife, women
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Vote: has 85.78 % from 318 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today." She goes in and find him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says. "It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."
Vote: has 85.77 % from 373 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. "Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything. Finally, have sex and oral sex with him every day." The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room. "What did the doctor say?" he asked. "I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."
Vote: has 85.77 % from 286 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, husband, marriage, mean, wife
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
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More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Vote: has 85.72 % from 356 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife


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