The best wife jokes

My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been three days and I really miss him.
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has 51.99 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, wife
There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, wife
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, wife
A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
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has 51.56 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar. He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon. The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation. Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know." They went. Had lots of fun and came back. Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for." The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon." The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."
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has 50.96 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, money, sex, wife
Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not? Wife: What? Me: An Eggnogstic. Wife: This is grounds for divorce.
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: divorce, life, wife
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
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has 50.34 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex? A:Honey I'm home.
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
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has 49.58 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
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