The best wife jokes

The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came. Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem." Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."
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has 49.69 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, Santa, wife
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
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has 49.58 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, wife
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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has 48.83 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, time, wife, work
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says: "Right, you've had enough, go home..." So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says: "Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more" He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away. The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?' The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?' His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, drunk, wife
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, wife
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, honey." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
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has 48.02 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: couple, dating, holiday, marriage, wife
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