The best wife jokes

A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage, wife
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, life, marriage, time, wife
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex? A:Honey I'm home.
Vote: has 43.46 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money, wife
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
Vote: has 41.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A wife returns late at night back home. "Where have you been?" asks her husband. "With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men." One day later the husband returns back home late. "Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Vote: has 41.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary. The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand. He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it." The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward. She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!" "That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back. "Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, weather, wife