Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?
A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table! 
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'.
The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open.
He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"
The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
What do you call an alcoholic dog?
A whino!
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.