The best alcohol jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife... When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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has 18.69 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A bear walks into a pub, and takes a huge bite out of the bar. ‘Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘But I’m not a druggie,’ replies the puzzled bear. ‘Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?’
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has 18.64 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks. After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies, "Why do you say that?" The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me." The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room. The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below. "Here's why." The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft! "The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing." He floats back into the room. As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it. The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window - down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up. Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air. He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below. The first man grins and returns to the bar. Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits. "You know," he says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A bloke walks into a pub and sees Van Gogh standing at the bar. ‘Hi Van, can I get you a drink?’ ‘No, thanks, I got one ear.’
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has 17.31 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"
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has 14.23 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
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has 12.72 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
What do you call an alcoholic dog? A whino!
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has 12.53 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer? "Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
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has 10.07 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, lawyer
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