The best atheist jokes

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, church, death
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road? A: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, science
Q: Why did the boy come first in the 100 metre sprint? A: He had athlete's foot.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, food
Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, religious
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw... brought both paws together... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god, life
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, god
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, atheist