The best atheist jokes

A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!" His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face. The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor. At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent... waiting. Eventually, the Professor came to. When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row. "What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?" The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."
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has 63.33 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: atheist, communication, god, military, school
An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master." The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie. "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. "What's wrong?" asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
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has 59.89 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: atheist, genie, money
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
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has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: atheist, church, death
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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has 54.80 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist? A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
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has 54.80 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: atheist, bible, religious
Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road? A: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: atheist, science
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
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has 52.31 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god
Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
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has 49.83 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: atheist, religious
Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
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has 37.14 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: atheist, food
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
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has 36.12 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, atheist, bar, catholic, priest
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