Joke #11355

Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"

That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."

Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."

A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!" His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face. The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor. At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent... waiting. Eventually, the Professor came to. When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row. "What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?" The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."