The best bar jokes

An English man, Irishman and a Scotch man are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, “The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free”. Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottish man says,”..yeah. That’s quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free.” Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says “Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the back-room for a shag” The English says “WOW! Did that happen to you?” and the Irishman replies “No, but it happened to my sister.”
Vote:
has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
Q: What do a woman and a bar have in common? A: Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.
Vote:
has 59.35 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, game, sex, women
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
Vote:
has 59.17 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, sex
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Vote:
has 59.12 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, math, nerd, vulgar
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Vote:
has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, celebrity
A really bad impressionist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"
Vote:
has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: bar, beauty, communication
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
Vote:
has 58.28 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, men, sex
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
Vote:
has 58.09 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Vote:
has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: bar, jewish, priest, religious
<<<17181920
More jokes →
Page 17 of 29.