The best beer jokes

Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
Vote:
has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, men, sex
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beer, blonde
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. One hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says: "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds: "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!", exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!." So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says: "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
Vote:
has 70.32 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, celebrity, drunk
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
Vote:
has 69.95 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, disgusting
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the beer starts to run.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, Chuck Norris
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote:
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Vote:
has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
Male walks into a bar with a lump of concrete under his arm he says "I'll have a pint of beer and one for the road ".
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, travel
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Vote:
has 64.93 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: beer, bible, Chuck Norris, religious, wine
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 10.