The best cop jokes

Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him. He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick. "And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief, "I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
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has 74.77 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: cop, food, money
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.” The giant nodded. “If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?” Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled. “Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.” “In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: cop
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
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has 74.71 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: cop, hospital, money
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
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has 74.51 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, flirt, women
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?" The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: cop
A boy speeding on road. Guard stops him and ask, "Did you see the speed limit sign?" The boy says, "Yea, I just didnt see you."
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: cop
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. "YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer. "Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
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has 74.04 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: cop, drunk, god
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.
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has 73.66 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: cop, little Johnny
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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has 73.52 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
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has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty, viagra
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