The best cop jokes

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
Vote:
has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: cop, fish
Q: What do you call a violent minority? A: A thug. Q: What do you call a violent white guy? A: Officer.
Vote:
has 70.75 % from 718 votes. More jokes about: cop, racist, white people
Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.
Vote:
has 70.43 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: cop, fat, Yo mama
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, money
A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes. When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so I turned off the big fan!"
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: blonde, cop, driving, stupid
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
Vote:
has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
Vote:
has 70.37 % from 673 votes. More jokes about: black people, cop, light bulb, racist
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.". Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he is busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now startled. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searching team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me."
Vote:
has 70.26 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: cop, kids, little Johnny
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote:
has 69.73 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
<<<13141516
More jokes →
Page 13 of 41.