The best cop jokes

Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
Vote: has 73.22 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, family, soccer, sport
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
Vote: has 73.20 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, fish
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
Vote: has 73.01 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: "You were speeding." Man: "No, I wasn’t." Officer: "Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket." Man: "But I wasn’t speeding." Officer: "Tell that to the judge!" (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: "Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?" Officer: "Yes, you would." Man: "What if I just thought that you were?" Officer: "I can’t give you a ticket for what you think." Man: "Fine, I think you’re a jerk!"
Vote: has 73.01 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop
Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.
Vote: has 73.01 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, fat, Yo mama
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.   She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, women
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, death, wife
Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario. As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?" The other one replied: "I don't know." So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed." The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"
Vote: has 72.67 % from 158 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop
The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out. A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!" The murderer called back, "I'm warning you. If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
Vote: has 72.45 % from 221 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, wife
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife


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