The best cop jokes

How many white cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He fell.
Vote: has 67.03 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, racist
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!”, retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!” “Oh no!”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. “Where’s my Rolex???!!!”
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop
A cop pulls a guy over: Sir, why were you speeeding? Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, drunk
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop
Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. The mayor sees him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?" "I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get impregnated," answers Johnny. The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?" Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I think it's really best left with the bulls."
Vote: has 66.49 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, little Johnny
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk, wife
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, cop
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, drunk, phone


<<<15161718
More jokes →
Page 15 of 40.