The best cop jokes

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over. The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?" The man says, "I slowed down." The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. “Shut Up”, replied Shut Up. “Stupid”, replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me!” shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. “Shut Up!” “Stupid!” The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”
Vote:
has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: cop
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Vote:
has 68.39 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: cop
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
Vote:
has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: cop, death
How many white cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He fell.
Vote:
has 68.13 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: cop, racist
"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, cop, driving, family
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!”, retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!” “Oh no!”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. “Where’s my Rolex???!!!”
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: cop
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Vote:
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, cop
A cop pulls a guy over: Sir, why were you speeeding? Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: cop, drunk
The policeman tells Johny at the police station following: "The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?" Johny: "Only three euros." The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."
Vote:
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: cop, little Johnny, money
<<<15161718
More jokes →
Page 15 of 41.