The best cop jokes

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
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has 70.19 % from 616 votes. More jokes about: black people, cop, light bulb, racist
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: cop, hospital, nurse
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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has 69.55 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
An old couple gets pulled over and... Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?" Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear." The old man hands it to the lady cop and... Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had." Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, couple, love, old people
"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, cop, driving, family
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over. The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?" The man says, "I slowed down." The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. “Shut Up”, replied Shut Up. “Stupid”, replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me!” shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. “Shut Up!” “Stupid!” The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: cop
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