The best dad jokes

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Vote: has 81.49 % from 309 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, beer, cop, dad, little Johnny
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?" "Yes, they do my love!" "Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!" "Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
Vote: has 81.36 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, love
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
Vote: has 79.93 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, dad, family, kids
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked. “It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
Vote: has 79.75 % from 199 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, animal, dad, elephant
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
Vote: has 79.74 % from 529 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, teacher
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
Vote: has 79.55 % from 279 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*
Vote: has 79.54 % from 1084 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex, women
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?" His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?" Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Vote: has 79.20 % from 226 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny