The best dad jokes

"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, Fathers day, life
Deer Hunter. A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill with his family for Sunday dinner. He didn't want his sons to refuse tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without telling them what the meat was they were about to eat. "Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?" "Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it." The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their forks. "Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son. "Only if you take a bite.", said the father. As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time." The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"
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has 77.98 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, food, hunting, kids
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
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has 77.96 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son: "Dad, what is Windows 95?" "Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
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has 77.76 % from 236 votes. More jokes about: age, computer, dad, IT, programmer
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
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has 77.68 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
After Graduating from High School, David moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear David, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
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has 77.54 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: dad, graduation, money, school, student
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
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has 77.49 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?" "Yes, they do my love!" "Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!" "Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
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has 77.11 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, love
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
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has 77.02 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
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