The best dad jokes

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked. "I said no way," replied the boy. "What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver. "No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy. "Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered. "No!" replied the boy. "What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver. The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"
Vote: has 77.68 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, car, dad, kids, money
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
Vote: has 77.67 % from 205 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
Vote: has 77.64 % from 113 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
Vote: has 77.21 % from 317 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, old people
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?" "Yes, they do my love!" "Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!" "Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
Vote: has 76.68 % from 93 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, love
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son: "Dad, what is Windows 95?" "Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
Vote: has 76.61 % from 224 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, computer, dad, IT, programmer
A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
Vote: has 76.53 % from 446 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, doctor, lawyer, little Johnny, teacher
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!"
Vote: has 76.37 % from 160 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, geography, school, teacher
One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home. He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?" His father replied, "Figure it out." Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?" The teacher said: "Figure it out." Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, math, school, stupid


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