The best dad jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote:
has 80.66 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
A man was in a bar one evening, when a drunk wandered over, shouting at the man "I pulled your mum just now!" the sober man just ignored him and carried on drinking. About half an hour later the drunk wandered over again. This time he said: "Your mum just gave me a BJ and swallowed" again the man ignored and carried on talking to his mates. Soon the very drunk man wandered over and shouted at the poor man: "I just fucked your mum, using every posistion possible." Eventally the man bored of this idiot, turned around and said "Go home dad, you're drunk."
Vote:
has 80.63 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, dad, drunk
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Vote:
has 80.62 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
Vote:
has 80.45 % from 702 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, teacher
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked. “It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
Vote:
has 80.26 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, dad, elephant
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
Vote:
has 80.10 % from 430 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, old people
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Vote:
has 79.84 % from 505 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
Vote:
has 79.83 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Vote:
has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*
Vote:
has 79.60 % from 1344 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex, women
<<<5678
More jokes →
Page 5 of 19.