The best death jokes

Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, game
Did you hear about the two dumb blonds who went two the drive in theater and froze two death they went two see closed for the winter?
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, stupid, winter
So this retarded blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay. The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills. So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well. In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills." So we told the Warden and he laughed he said: "you know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!" The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!" The blind couple said, "what happens to the fishes?" The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
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has 22.65 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: death, fish, health, prison, terrorist
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
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has 21.74 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, disgusting, navy
Chuck Norris killed Heath Ledger... nobody ruins the image of cowboys and lives.
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has 21.64 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
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has 20.72 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, disgusting, sex, women
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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has 20.71 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: black humor, blonde, death, sex
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 19.23 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
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has 19.08 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"? A: He got crucified
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has 18.71 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, christian, communication, death
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