The best death jokes

Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
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has 23.29 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, car, death, heaven
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
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has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wine
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
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has 21.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
Q: Why do white people scare black people? A: Cause they always try kill your ass.
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has 20.75 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist, white people
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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has 20.55 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: black humor, blonde, death, sex
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
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has 19.42 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, disgusting, navy
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
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has 18.81 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, disgusting, sex, women
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 16.16 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
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has 15.61 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death
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