The best death jokes

A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 27.74 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, old people
Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven. There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise. Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell. After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations." St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise. From that day and then there was a disturbing silence. After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what? Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking. Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ. He calls him and says: "God will punish you" And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
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has 26.88 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, heaven, life
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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has 26.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, god, heaven, Yo mama
One day President Trump's motorcade was heading to the Mexican border to see first hand progress on The Wall. All of a sudden a naked lone figure was seen bent over on the side of the road. Wanting to help the president ordered the motorcade to stop. He got out and approached the figure and suddenly realized it was Nancy Pelosi. She was naked with her wrists handcuffed to her ankles. The president said, "OMG Nancy what happened?" She cried out that she was kidnapped by a bunch of people wearing MAGA hats and left to die! The president said "Well I'm not going to let that happen" as he was unzipping his zipper. He yelled out to the motorcade "OK boys the line starts behind me"
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has 26.70 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, dirty, mexican, political
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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has 26.68 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
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has 26.66 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, car, death, heaven
Yo mama so fat she died.
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has 26.01 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting
Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, game
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