This young boy named Don walked into a whorehouse, slammed his money on the counter and said, "I want a woman!" The man behind the counter asked, "How old are you? "Don, replied, "I'm 17! "The man said, "Your too young, come back when your older, mean while practice on trees. "A year later Don once again came back to the whorehouse, swung the front door open, then shut, stomped over to the front desk and slammed his money on the counter harder then before. He screamed, "GIVE ME A WOMAN!" The man behind the counter said, "How old are you?" Don, shouted, "I AM 18!" The man took Don's money and said, "OK, up stairs, second door on the left." Don didn't miss a beat. He ran up those stairs so fast he skipped every other step. It wasn't about 5 minutes later when the man behind the counter heard the whore up stairs screaming in complete and utter agony. So he jumped over the counter and ran up the stairs. Once at the room he kicked in the door and to his surprise Don had a broomstick shoved right up the whore's p*ssy. The man shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Don simply replied, "Checking for squirrels..."
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball. The game of choice for frontline workers is football. The game of choice for middle management is tennis. The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf. Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the plan. In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night." All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.” “Is that you, Fred?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.” “Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.” “Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
A hunter was out with his dog Old Faithful when he sees a duck and shoots it down. Old Faithful runs and brings his back the duck. As the hunter reaches for the duck a forest ranger comes by snatches the duck out of Old Faithfuls mouth puts his finger in its ass pulls it out smells his finger and says "This here is a Wisconsin duck, do you have a license to shoot Wisconsin ducks?" The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Wisconsin duck. The officer says "thank you, sir, have a great day and leaves." The hunter then proceeds with Old Faithful when he sees another duck, takes as I'm and shoots it down. Old Faithful runs grab the duck and come back. The hunters about to grab the duck when the same forest ranger comes back, grabs the duck out of the dog's mouth take his finger puts it up the ducks ass, pulls it out smells his finger and says "This is an Ohio duck, have you got a license to shoot Ohio ducks, sir?" The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for an Ohio duck. The officer looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, just doing my job, have a nice day," and leaves. Well, this kept happening over and over. Every time the hunter shot a duck and Old Faithful would bring it back, the Same forest ranger would be there to question the hunter if he had a license for all the different ducks he shot, and in his bewilderment seeing the hunter having all these different licenses for each duck. Well on the last duck the hunter shot and Old Faithful bringing it back, the Same forest ranger comes and triumphantly snatches the duck out of the dogs mouth, takes his finger puts it up the ducks ass, smells it and says "This here is a Canadian duck, have you got a license to shoot Canadian duck?" Exasperated, the hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Canadian duck. The forest ranger looks at the hunter and says, "you know sir, you've had a license for every duck you shot, tell me, where are You from?" The hunter turns around, drops his pants, bends over and says, "You tell me! You're the Expert!"
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob. The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick" The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
Man gives blood too save his wifes life. Few months later they are divorced. Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B*TCH!" Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you B*STARD."