Vaginas are like weather,
when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
The teacher asked Johnny, "What is sex?"
Johnny stood up and said: "Sex is a temptation caused my a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation"
The teacher stared at him and fainted.
Vote:
Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.
The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem.
Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old.
"Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation.
It's terrible".
The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems!
Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig.
The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well…?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God…'"
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
A bus full of nuns crashes and unforunatly they all die at the gates of heaven they meet St Peter.
He asks the first nun: "Have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The nun replies: "I poked one once."
St Peter says: "Wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven."
He asks the next nun the same question, she replies "I findled with one once."
"Wash your hand in this holy water and enter heaven."
Then St Peter hears a commotion among the other nuns and one nun pushes to the front.
"Whats wrong?" he asks.
The nun replies "If im going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Sister Anne washes her ass in it."
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom...
The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?"
The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall."
The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go."
The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?"
The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall."
The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go."
Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?"
The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
*My dad helping me find a gf*
Dad: What do you want most in a woman?
Me: My dick.
*Grounded and high fived*