The best dirty jokes

What did O say to Q Dude your dicks hanging out
Vote: has 76.93 % from 996 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: "Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5" So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: "You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10" So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
Vote: has 76.91 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, dirty, horse, money
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

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During a war warrior shouted against 3 ladies Warrior: I am going to r*pe you all. Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother. Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.
Vote: has 76.87 % from 241 votes. Send joke:

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Hitler conquering another village while ww2 and he decided to give a chance for every woman in this village to save their families. He made all men to stand naked one next to another in stright line and every woman have to find her husband by doing them bl*wjob. First woman starts to suck and saying: "Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, Mine!" It's turn out that she was right so they could walk away free. Second woman starts to suck: "Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, MINE!" True again so Hitler was deeply surprised and decided to stand in line between men of village. Third woman starts to doing her job and saying: "Not mine, not mine, not mine , not mine, not from this village, not mine...."
Vote: has 76.87 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

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One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus. The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says "You wanna have sex?" and the nun says, "No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night. At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god. The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies, "Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it. After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells, "HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"
Vote: has 76.86 % from 129 votes. Send joke:

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Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
Vote: has 76.80 % from 442 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fish, sex
Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year." The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."
Vote: has 76.77 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

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A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."
Vote: has 76.70 % from 477 votes. Send joke:

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Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
Vote: has 76.69 % from 532 votes. Send joke:

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