What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny?
A: A Cold dog on a bun.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.