The best dog jokes

A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
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has 43.52 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a nigger? A: A Doberman.
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has 40.15 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: black people, dog, racist
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: car, dog, marriage, men, women
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
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has 38.01 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog, racist
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
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