The best dog jokes

A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
How much do I owe Yo' Mama? My dog came home happy last night.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, Yo mama
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!" But the man protested and replied: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dog, game, sport
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
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has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
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has 43.68 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, dog
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog. When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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has 40.17 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Chuck Norris, dog, food, morbid
I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog
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