The best dog jokes

In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!" But the man protested and replied: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dog, game, sport
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
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has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
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has 44.23 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, dog
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dog
Wife: "There is something wrong with you." Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dog, marriage, wife
How much do I owe Yo' Mama? My dog came home happy last night.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, Yo mama
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog. When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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has 40.73 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Chuck Norris, dog, food, morbid
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, dog
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