The best driving jokes

Yo Momma so fat she uses the interstate as a slip and slide.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: driving, fat, Yo mama
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune." The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
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has 63.32 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: cop, driving, god, priest, wine
The economy got very bad in 2008. I saw a pimp driving a beat up old Volkswagon.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, money, time
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: driving, kids, money
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
Yo mama so fat she uses a highway for a slide.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: driving, fat, Yo mama
You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: cop, driving, prison, redneck
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: cop, driving, women
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it? A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
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has 56.55 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, women
A trooper stops a car and he tells the driver he stopped him for speeding. The irate driver says, "You're nuts, I wasn't speeding!" The driver's wife says, "Oh you old fool you are always driving too fast!" The driver yells at his wife, "shut up, old lady." The trooper is taken aback by the exchange but tells the driver he also is in violation the seat belt law. The driver once again complains that he was wearing his seatbelt. The wife states, "You never wear your seatbelt." Driver "I am going to smack you if you dont shut up". Not wanting a fight the trooper asked the wife, "Does he always talk to you that way?" "ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNK," the wife states.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, travel, wife
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