The best driving jokes

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, kids, money
A trooper stops a car and he tells the driver he stopped him for speeding. The irate driver says, "You're nuts, I wasn't speeding!" The driver's wife says, "Oh you old fool you are always driving too fast!" The driver yells at his wife, "shut up, old lady." The trooper is taken aback by the exchange but tells the driver he also is in violation the seat belt law. The driver once again complains that he was wearing his seatbelt. The wife states, "You never wear your seatbelt." Driver "I am going to smack you if you dont shut up". Not wanting a fight the trooper asked the wife, "Does he always talk to you that way?" "ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNK," the wife states.
Vote: has 53.57 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, travel, wife
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, driving, women
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know." So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?" His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, car, driving, life
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky, when the notion of the motion was planted, in her dinky little head. With her butt in the air, while the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest. Drunk and stupid and would not listen, smeared beyond recognition, she said it was Tinker Bell but we couldn't tell O well.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, driving, drunk, poems, stupid
One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis. He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car". The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening. He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room. "OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, driving, kids, sex
A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
Vote: has 45.28 % from 144 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, black people, car, cop, driving
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, driving, stupid
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote: has 39.38 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids


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